Bother
by emielli
Summary: 1+2 Songfic, "Bother" by Stone Sour. Duo fails another mission and is feeling depressed... really depressed.. sweet at end.


Title: Bother

Author: Emielli

Date: January 2003

A/n: Written while listening to one of my CDs... and watching Gundam Wing... it was snowing today.. no school for today or tomorrow... too much boredum... not good.

Disclaimer: I don't own the gundam boys or the song "Bother" by Stone Sour.

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Wish I was too dead to cry

My self-affliction fades

Stones to throw at my creator

Masochists to which I cater

You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds 

Duo quietly entered into the hanger where his gundam was stored, head hung low. His mission had been simple: infiltrate the oz base and find out where they had been keeping the new mobile suits. But something had went wrong, Duo had let himself believe they wouldn't find him, so he ending up having to shot three soldiers on his way out, and still didn't find the mobile suits. He kicked the wall angrily, not feeling the pain that ran up his leg. It wasn't like him to fail missions. Before, he had always been careful, sneaking around, watching his back, complete paranoia. It was that paranoia that had kept him from getting caught. 

He walked into the safehouse, but it was late and no one was up. He was glad, he really didn't feel like talking right now. He already would have hell to pay from the other pilots when they found out he failed. Especially from Heero, Mr. Perfect Soldier. Heero was the only one that really kept Duo in the battle. He wanted to fight so Heero wouldn't. Kill so Heero didn't have to have his victim's blood on his hand. Yes, it was true, he did love Heero. But it wasn't mutual. Heero despised him, he thought he had the mentality of a child. Duo only acted immature to keep his feelings locked inside. If he acted happy all the time, then no one would know the real pain that he kept inside. He had lived with that pain for as long as he could remember. Before he had

lived in the convent, he was on the streets. Night after night he had dealt with the coldness, the bleak despair, the rape and murder of his friends, and the rape of his own mind. Cynicism had always been part of Duo's life, along with endangering all those he held near. He didn't want that to happen to his Heero, but with him screwing up his missions more and more frequently, it was only inevitable that someone would get hurt as a result of all his carelessness. 

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Wish I was too dead to care

If indeed I cared at all

Never had a voice to protest

So you fed me shit to digest

I wish I had a reason;

my flaws are open season

For this, I gave up trying

One good turn deserves my dying 

//Maybe its time for me to stop all of this.// Duo thought, //Stop the memories, stop the pain, and stop others from hurting my friends.// His enemies would have no reason to go after his friends if he wasn't around, would they? The thought had always been buried deep in Duo's brain, appearing time after time whenever he was depressed. He never feared death, after all, how could you fear something you were the God of? He was Shinigami, he brought death not only to those he fought against, but his own loved ones, so the title was fitting. It was one of the few truths in his life. 

He wandered into the kitchen, looking at all the food in there. Eating was a luxury for him. He could go days without food, and not feel a pang of hunger, it was what he had been used to when he was little. He had wandered over to the sick and picked up a steak knife before he even realized what he had done. //That's all it will take, two quick slices and everything will disappear.// He thought, then slit his wrists. Blood bubbled up from the cuts and dripped into the sink. It hurt, but the pain he felt from this was nothing from the pain he felt during life. 

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You don't need to bother

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds 

He heard a noise behind him and turned to see Heero standing in the doorway. "Duo, how'd the mission go?" He asked. "I-It wasn't accomplished." he said, shaking his head to try and clear the double vision he now saw. But then again, two Heero`s were better than one. Heero hadn't noticed what Duo had done. Duo gave an uneasy laugh, //Or maybe he doesn't care.// The laugh caused Heero to walk closer to Duo, "Duo, are you..." The words left his throat as he saw all the blood that was in the sink. "Oh god Duo, what did you do?" "I don't want to cause anyone anymore pain." He said, then he fainted into Heero`s arms. 

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Wish I'd died instead of lived

A zombie hides my face

Shell forgotten

with its memories

Diaries left

with cryptic entries 

He was in the famous tunnel, and he saw the light at the end. His time was finally up. He never thought it would be in this way, committing suicide, so un-noble for a pilot. He walked towards the light, then started running towards it. Then darkness shrouded him. His last thought was, "I must be in hell." 

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And you don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on,

I won't let go 'til it bleeds 

But then there was light, and Duo awakened. He looked around. "Where am I?" He asked, not expecting an answer but surprised to hear, "In a hospital." He saw Heero sitting in a chair, watching him. "I deserve to be in hell." Heero got up and walked over to the bed. "Why Duo? Why?" He saw the shimmer of tears in Heero`s eyes, then watched it roll down his cheek. "Heero, you're crying. For me." "Your heart stopped last night, after I brought you in. I was so scared that I had lost you." "Id thought you'd be glad not to have to put up with me anymore." "Duo-kun, my life would be hell without you. I know I've never told you this, but you mean so much to be. I love you." Heero said, leaning in to Duo's face and kissing Duo softly on his lips. Duo stared at him. "Heero, thank you. No one has ever told me that before. I love you too." He said, and they kissed again. Heero stayed at the hospital every day until Duo was finally released. 

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You don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping farther

But once I hold on:

I'll never live down my deceit

*End*

Um... thanks for reading it this far.... Please R + R and check out my other stories. Btw, yea... Heero appears to be a little Out of Character, but oh well; I just had to make him seem sweet. Another side of the perfect soldier. :)


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